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Gather Ye Rosebuds
It was my last day at my lovely school today...
As I walked out of my classroom at lunchtime, one of my adorable
renegades from year nine was waiting for me. He walked down the
corridor with me and we chatted. As we got to the end of the corridor
he stuttered 'I wanted to thank you Miss, for everything you have done
for me' and he produced a box of chocolates that he had bought for me
with his own money.
...and for a minute I just stared at the chocolates, hardly breathing.
This was a boy from a class that I had fought and struggled with, that
reduced me to tears sometimes (not in front of them - obviously). It
was a group that I had shouted at and pleaded with... a group I had
mentored, dispaired of and detested... but mainly it was a group that
deep down I liked very much, because they were all boys with twinkly
eyes and kind smiles.
To keep them quiet, some lessons I would tell them stories to make them
realise how amazing they could be... I would joke with them, tease them
and they would make me laugh.
But this boy, clutching his Terry's All Gold was a quiet boy... Sure,
we had chatted a few times and I had told him that I thought he was
smart and better than some of the things that he did... but all I'm
left with is a regret that I didn't have enough time to get to know my
class better. I'd like to know why he will miss me... I'd like to know
what I did that deserved such a large gesture... and when I know - I'd
like to do it all again... but better this time.
...and at 3.35 as I dismissed my year sevens for the last time, my year
nine lads from the same class crowded around the classroom window. All
waving madly, they mouthed some words to me...
'See you Miss'
'We'll miss you'
'Good luck Miss'
...and I was always a soft touch - they knew that... so of course, I started to cry.
Temporary Suspension of Service
I am in Spain...
As, you read this I am probably drinking in my uncles little white bar by the sea with my friends...
No, screw that... I'm probably drunk.
D x x
Pulling pants
I have a date.
Tomorrow night.
In London.
He is a lawyer...
...from New York.
Sexy.
I better dig these out ...
...and wash the rust out of my hair...
A lorra lorra fun
Now, I have never really been a big believer in blind dates. I find it
so terribly hard to grow decently bloomed crushes on anyone at all,
that I can't believe for a second that one of my mates could possibly
match me up with the great love of my life more successfully than fate,
or cupid...
Besides, it's not very 'Gone with the Wind' now is it?
Still, its has been days and days since I kissed anyone at all, and as
far as I know I won't be seeing my sexy physics teacher again until the
year 7 disco (where I have high hopes for a mirror ball and a slow
dance by 6.30pm). So, I decided to go on a blind date with a New York
Lawyer... and to hell with the consequences.
It started badly... I am very much 5ft 8 on a small day, and this guy
didn't really measure up... so I sighed to myself, cursed fate (and my
mate) and sat looking blankly at him in a small wine bar in the middle
of Liverpool Street wondering how long I had to listen to his
admittedly rather sexy drawl...
'Where in New York are you from then?' I asked idly stirring my gin and tonic with my little finger.
'I'm from the Bronx actually' said the New York lawyer raising an eyebrow... I spluttered...
'Like J Lo? From the block'
'I forgot you're English... are you related to the queen?'
'Touche. So. how come a guy from the Bronx manages to become a successful lawyer?' I asked in my best Queens English
'Oh, I'm a very determined guy' he drawled as he took my hand and winked at me...
I looked once again at the face in front of me... suddenly he was
sparkling, determined... slightly mean looking. Hard Latino features
sitting perfectly in a tired face.
'You must be pretty tough' I stammered... He shrugged...
'Oh, I can look after myself' he stated as I noticed for the first time the thin white line running down the side of his face.
If I have a fault - it's that I always fall for people who are
different, crazy, interesting... I love stories of far away... and
lives that are so colourful that they would only make sense over the
Rainbow. I have no use or time for Kansas people...
I like people who make me seem like I am someone else...
It's probably best not to over-analyse that comment.
So, I kissed him... and we've been texting...
Balls
You know when you have been waiting all of this time for the light at
the end of the tunnel to show you who you are and what is happening to
you... and then a list of really really really shitty events all come
together and bam bam bam - it all suddenly makes sense. Like Mary
seeing the angel and thinking' thank god for that'.
Only - I'm not thinking... thank god for that... I'm thinking of all
the money that I could have potentially poured into therapy, but didn't
- thank god because at the end of the day I am just an unimportant lazy
girl, who can't be bothered to be as wonderful as she thinks she
deserves to be...
So instead, she dates wonderful exciting men, drinks cocktails at crazy
beautiful bars and spends other peoples money on shoes... basking all
the while, in the pale lights of people who maybe think she is OK, or a
bit up herself, or (in the case of my real friends) just Daisy...
...and when the excitement wears off, she will find the next exciting
man, or the next exciting story... or the next trauma to amuse
herself... and she''s almost convince people that she's wonderful.
Almost.
'Live every day like its a Meg Ryan movie - and have as much fun as you
can' I used to say - but I'm thinking now that perhap that might have
been a slightly selfish way to spend the last 10 years of my life...
In the last week I have been ripped off by a terrible con artist, who
has evilly manipulated and lied and stolen... Simply, she could have
completely ruined and destroyed my (slightly taken for granted)
fantastic life.
Tonight when I put the pieces together I started to think that - maybe
- I didn't have quite so many stones to cast in her direction as I
would have liked.
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Oh my god... That's me... And i'm not blonde... Now there's no excuse. 