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Exam halls still smell the same...
...I feel sick.
Sober
One of my little boys has just been hit by a car...
I am who I am...
It's funny that sometimes by your very existence you can cause hatred, jealously and controversy... and that people generally enjoy blogs where other people are unhappy.
One thing I have loved about 20six over the years is the support that I have been given when I am down, but one thing I have never understood is peoples desire to pull you down when you are happy. Still, I'm still here - so, I do expect it!
I wrote a true entry the other day based on a conversation I'd had the night before that had freaked me out, I though maybe it would be nice to put my thoughts down... I also was interested to hear the backlash. Apparently there has been at least one person who has laid into me - thats cool, to be honest I expected it and I spend so little time here now that I haven't had time to read their response - and to be honest I really don't want to... I'm cool at the moment, so why listen at doorways? But that really is the problem with my blogging at the moment - it's like speed blogging - crammed in between lessons!
If you blog about yourself, I have learned, then you need to expect people to have opinions on it... otherwise you slip into the Jodie Marsh school of argument. You can't complain that people don't have all the facts - becasue at the end of the day they are working on the facts that you have chosen to give them. Some of the facts about me are difficult to manage, often I have felt uncomfortable in my own skin... hell, thats why I started blogging (for those who remember) to begin with.
So, I have a stack of reports to write before I give some kids a test, and normal life will continue for this girl, whatever that is!
I have always relied on the kindness of strangers...
The new platform on 20six will, I think, signal the end of my adventures into blog-land. I no longer have time to dedicate to my writing which means that my random ramblings can get misinterperated and (at worst) offend people who read them.
Blogging no longer has the same impact that it did when I was trapped behind a desk all day longing for something better. My blog was a place of daydreams and it's true to say that reality is what takes my time now.
I've changed quite a lot since those early days of blogging, I'm less blonde (literally) for a start, and I'm more fulfilled. It's been hard work and sometimes so hard to push myself, and as recent entries show... I'm still not able to completely understand who I am - sometimes I feel like I am writing as someone else entirely... like I have made myself up!
But, if nothing else... then perhaps that's what I've learned from blogging. That you don't have to always make sense. That however smart you think you are life doesn't play like a Meg Ryan movie...
I am judged enough in my day to day life by sharp teenage eyes looking for faults, and I am reassured enough in my day to day life by a boy with blue eyes and a lovely smile. I don't think I need the kindness of strangers anymore.
So - here's to my last week blogging... and make sure you come to blinks on Friday night.
Knackered
I have mocks to mark, 47 reports to write before tomorrow... and instead I am eating oranges, drinking coffee and counting the minutes before I can go to bed!!
Mmmm bed.
More of gravy than of grave?
Last night I dreamed that I was pregnant.....
Heavily pregnant and at school teaching but knowing that my waters might break. I was so intent on making sure my year 11's were exam ready that I fainted and had to be carried to hospital by the headmaster(!) while my bump deflated like a balloon. When I woke up, for a split second, I wondered if I was in hospital....
Before I went to bed I spent 4 hours marking my year 11 mocks while half watching big brother and eating bagels... possibly this has sent me mad?
Please, what does it mean???
Bleugh!!!!
Sometimes I find it a bit hard to function in the morning... this morning is a prime example of this... After the boy had wrapped me up in my bed and made me a coffee (before feeding my kitten), all the time politely ignoring the fact that I looked like an extra on the fraggles (a whoops-is-it-that-time-of-month spotty extra - no less)... I would have given everything I owned (apart from my beloved collection of Pamela Brown books and my family) to stay in bed all day. The kitten would have bought it for a start!
I just haven't the heart or stomach for Stalin today.