Brick Wall.
Late last night in the pretty-white-bar by the sea, sipping coke (yes, just coke)...
Monkey-John: Oh Daisy, I'm so sorry that you are so sad
Daisy: I'm not sad I'm fine. Really, it's not a problem
Monkey-John: Mmm... Ok then *glances at Tree and rolls eyes*
Tree: You have to admit darling that you haven't quite got your usual sparkle
Daisy: Really, I'm just winding down - it's been one hell of a couple of weeks guys...
Monkey-John: Yes, but it's affected you so badly. You seem so small.
Daisy: Honestly - I'm fine. Just a bit tired. I've walked away from my whole life you know - it's daunting but I think I'm handling it OK... I am aren't I?
Tree: Oh yes... yes, you're doing great!
Moneky-John: Have you ever been dumped before petal?
....and then I spiralled. Panic set in and I could hear a buzzing in my ears and the bar suddenly seemed very bright. I know that I replied to Monkey-John and I know that we had a conversation but I can't remember a lot except that he told me that I would be bitter for a long time.
I don't want to be bitter though, I want to be as sweet as cotton candy.
When I left the bar I sat on the beach for a long time and had a serious talk with myself. A serious sober talk with myself.
I have almost everything that a person could desire (even a friend called Monkey-John) - I need to stop thinking how much lovlier it would be with Jk to stroke my hair and laugh with me on the walk home along the prom. I need to stop thinking how we could paddle in the sea and kiss under the stars, and how last time we were here we did just that. But mostly I need to shift the lump in my throat that seems to be stopping me from laughing, even at Tree's silliest jokes.
In fact, it seems like I haven't laughed for ages.
|
foxylady (14.7.04 14:14) I'm so sorry. There's nothing anyone can say to take that pain away. It will fade with time though. I hope your new adventures start soon xx |
|
(14.7.04 14:18) Oh, pickle. |
|
(14.7.04 14:26) It's so shit. Still I have high hopes that in two weeks I will be shiny, new and very very tanned... |
|
(14.7.04 14:32) There is no prescribed time or way of getting over a broken heart - however, you will get over it - it will take time, it will hurt, but you'll get there in the end. And just when you are ready to face the world again, along will come your lobster. |
|
(14.7.04 14:45) You do sound small. I wish I could help. It will get better. And making lots of changes elsewhere is always good. As is a tan x |
|
(14.7.04 15:31) adventures are good. adventures don't help you forget, but they give you something to do while you're forgetting. you have lots of adventures in front of you, sweetie. |
|
(14.7.04 17:08) I was going to say come over to my blog cos now the strike is over the celebrations are well under way.... buyt I'm sorry to hear you are feeling in a kind of despair at life. I know nothing will convince you to pop over for the party, even the fact Rolf Harris is dj'ing! |
|
(14.7.04 17:12) |
|
(14.7.04 18:34) It sounds to me like you've been coping just fine, don't listen to Tree. It may take a bit, but I'm sure you'll be sparkly and fluffy again in no time, and with a fab tan to match. |