Dearest Jk
Thank you for your email, I have to say that the text you sent a few weeks ago wasn't exactly the grown up good bye that I was hoping for.
My house is rented and my estate agents are complete bastards - so, all is right with the world.
My family are fine, apart from the fact that my father chopped his finger off making a chicken pie, and when he got back from A&E he made us eat it (the pie, not the finger... we hope)...
I hope your dad is fine and big big big kisses to the boys. Bless them, I'm sad for me that I don't get to play with them any more.
Despite the fact that I should have better things to do, I think of you often. I read a quote in one of my history books the other day 'Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.'
So, goodness, but I want to see you. Still, I'm not going to. I loved you so very much and there is no point in hurting myself by realising again and again that you didn't and don't love me. My ego just can't take that. I can kid myself that I would be OK, but I wouldn't. If we met I would either try to sound really cool and tell you about the men who I'm dating (poor suckers), or I would get horribly drunk, cry and hate myself the next morning, or I would remain calm and cool and then start texting you when I got home in the hope that now you had seen me with my suntan your heart would have melted.
....And you would see through it of course, in the same way that I saw through the actions of boys I have dumped in the past and you would pity me... and believe me, my ego REALLY can't take pity.
So, thank you for everything my lovely boy and maybe one day in the future we can be friends.
Hang in there for me and I'll work on it.
D x x x
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(13.8.04 15:19) xxx |
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(13.8.04 15:22) well done xxx |
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(13.8.04 15:27) *huge sigh* |
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(13.8.04 15:30) xx |
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(13.8.04 15:30) You'll be fine. What's more, you know you will. x |
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(13.8.04 15:37) Well in Daise xxxx |
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(13.8.04 15:42) |
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(13.8.04 15:42) I really shouldn't have read that while listening to Magnet's especially mournful album. I shall have to have a cigarette now. I will have one for you too. |
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(13.8.04 15:45) Cheers guys. I might have a cigarette of my own now. |
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(13.8.04 16:17) Good girl, stay strong x |
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(13.8.04 18:20) I think I'll have a cigarette too. Getting there Daisy, you'll be ok babe. x |
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(13.8.04 18:48) Hang in there D. You really are a grown up now. |
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(13.8.04 19:11) FL - I will...x SL - Closer every day EB - *proud* |
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(13.8.04 19:21) yes, well done *whispers* but I know you can still be a kid when you need to be - kids have more fun! |
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(13.8.04 19:29) *Whispers* Let's take care of that one a week on Sunday... *Suddenly shocked* Are you still at work??? |
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(18.8.04 23:44) Daisy I love this part of your blog. It's like being in a secret place. great writing. hope it makes things clearer for you 
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(3.3.05 06:29) "Hang in there for me and I'll work on it?" ABSOLUTELY NOT! Sweet Jesus! The poor man! |
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(4.3.05 10:11) Well, I have a good friend now.. so I suspect that your pity was somewhat misplaced. Still, the sanctity of an individuals private belief must be respected... and I do. Do you? |