Daisy

Next year will be...

Every so often, I have a compulsion to look back at my blog and see
what I was up to this time last year... I don't do it very often
really, but sometimes it's interesting to see where you have been and
how much has changed.

And yesterday evening when I finished my work for the day, I casually
flicked back to last March, to see what happened... It seems espcially
important because I am 2/3's of the way to becoming a teacher... and 4
months off returning to London to start everything again.



I was very happy this time last year, indeed as I read the entry back I
remembered the weekend that I had written about vividly, because it was
the weekend that I fell in love. Anyone who has had a relationship will
always pin point that perfect moment, where you have never been so
happy, where the world is filled with roses and where you are terrified
that everything will slip away. It's the best part on the rollercoaster
of being together... the part where he has never made you cry, where he
has never been late and where you still make him tea in the morning
because you are so excited about the fact that he is there... in your
room - with you.

In a film that I saw on mothers day, one of the characters said that we
need a partner as a witness to our lives, because we need someone who
see's what we do because then we can imagine that it actually might
matter... and so this blog entry is useless really to anyone apart from
the person that was there with me. Of course, with time come doubts
that it was ever that rosy, or that perfect or the way I thought it
was... so, really it stands alone - with no witnesses.... as a moment
past.



But, there was another part to me last year, which doesn't feature in
my blog entry apart from the telling fact that I had taken a sickie
from work... you see apart from my picture perfect romance, I was
actually a fairly unhappy girl. I was bored and I was scared, and I
tried to insulate all of the holes in my life by filling that cracks
with my perfect relationship... Poor Jk - that's one hell of a role to
expect a man to play...



So, while I was happier this time last year, undeniably so - the most
exciting thing for me is that this time I am finally building something
like a concrete base to my life, and this time when I fall in love (and
have that first-couple-of-months-best-bit) there won't be quite so many
gaps for him to fill and so, perhaps we will go the distance.

8.3.05 11:45